I thought I was worth more than that to you

I had faith for a future for us. A bright one. I was so blind. You never once were proud to call me your girlfriend.You never wanted to be seen with me, or have pictures taken of us. It was as if I wasn’t good enough to be your girlfriend. How was I so blind for so long. You never wanted me. I was so  in love that I just accepted the way you spoke to me and neglected me. I should have given up long ago, but i was so naive and believed that one day we would be one. A future of our little ones running around and me packing your lunches for work . I guess I was the only one that felt anything when we were together or talking. And to this day you do not know the effect that 1:21 has on our relationship. And it deeply saddens me to the point of tears. For so long I only considered you. Every shooting star, every prayer , every birthday wish, was to bring you back to me. That sweet boy who did everything for us. Rode his bike in 90 degree weather to my town just to be with me. And my prayer brought you back alright. But you are no longer that sweet 15 year old boy who gave his all. I was so excited. You took me out on a date for the first time in years. We had a great time, or so I thought.And at the end of it when you drove me home, you told me you wanted to ask me something, and my heart dropped. I thought “this is it! He wants to get back together, I have waited so long for this!”    Sitting in your car I turned to you with nearly tearful eyes and said “yes?..”       and you replied “do you want to have a quickie in the back seat?” And I sat there in shock. My heart broke into a million pieces right there. I couldn’t talk or even comprehend what you had just said. Years of waiting for you and putting you on this pedestal and you just wanted to get laid. I asked you to drive me home and when I got home I spent countless hours in front of the mirror trying to figure out why my body was the only thing anyone wanted. I have such a wonderful soul and mind and heart. Just another painful night wondering what my purpose is. 

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