The beginning of the end she says

No one could ever take your place, Everyday it gets harder, and the photos fade away.Years pile up but the scent of my perfume and the scratches on the side of my parents house  from your bike remain. The bike you road 8.9 miles every day in 90 degree weather to come see me after you had worked all morning in the blazing heat. I look around my room and am overwhelmed. The time we brought Swifty home in my purse,took her out and sat on the floor playing with her. Our countless blockbuster movie nights on the old mattress cuddling while devouring our  various junk food items. The times I would spend my time staring out my balcony window towards the water wishing you would be thinking about me too. All the adorable good morning texts I remember receiving from you before school in grade 10 waking up in my loft bed. Look up and see the black streaks of nail polish on my ceiling when I used my ceiling as nail polish remover ( you always hated black nails,and black hair too) but  I loved it. Walk down the hall and daze into the time when we were going to a party for the first time and my parents were nervous. Why,I will never know, its not like we brought a kitten home or anything. Walk down the stairs and stare blankly at the spot where we carved pumpkins and got most of it on the ceiling instead of in the garbage. Walk towards the living room and burst into tears. Christmas.

Why. Why did I have to hurt you. I want to go back and throw that phone in the river and hold you tight.I would have taken your advice,stayed in school . Given a second chance, I wouldn’t feel I had to prove anything to anyone!  I would have been graduated and in college just like you are. We would be on our way to marriage and I would be so happy.

I want to scream so you can hear me all those miles away. I want you to feel the pain I have felt the past 3 years. You were right , you are 8 steps ahead. And I would have such a bright future had I listened to you. Now my heart isn’t the only one that is going to be broken, and all because I thought I knew it all at 15.

So I  walk out of this house,18 years old, stripper heels in hand, tears in eyes,

The show goes on.

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